a Soldier's blog: Time Alone

Time Alone

I don't always share my spiritual life through the blog because of the lack of time, and just a general feeling of solitude with God here. Once in a while I have a really great morning devotional time and just have to share it. I actually meant to share this one weeks ago, but never got around to posting on it.

"Experiencing Love:

I realize that I don't love as much as I could or should. I miss cues. Sometimes I hear what a woman says but not what she means and wind up giving sage counsel to a nonproblem. Distracted by a disturbing phone call, I left the monastery to give a talk to the inmates of the Trenton State Penitentiary and began with the outrageous greeting: 'Well, it's nice to see so many of you are here!' And so it goes. Frequently not in form, on top, or in control. That is part of my poverty as a human being. His impoverished spirit prevents the poor man from being a tyrant to himself.

In fact, if you asked a man who is poor in spirit to describe his prayer life, he might well answer, 'Most of the time my prayer consists in experiencing the absence of God in the hope of communion.' He is not richly endowed with extraordinary graces and mystical experience. Yet the experience of absence does not mean the absence of experience. Like the Soldier in combat sneaking a look at his wife's picture tucked in his helmet, the experience of her absence does not mean at that moment the absence of an experience of her. And somehow the poor man perceives that the goal of the spiritual life is not religious experience but union with God through love." Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple." Psalm 27:4

As I over-analyze my spiritual life and growth each day, I find myself missing moments here and there, missing opportunities in the 'in betweens'. I know that God is there when I need Him and when I don't need Him (which is never, but we all know how deceiving ourselves in this area can be easy). Some days my plan of simplicity, silence, solitude, and surrender just fizzles like that old candy that crackled and disappeared in your mouth. Even though my heart often feels as barren as most of this land, His grace trickles in when I least expect it. It might occur while wrangling a smile out of an extremely frustrated Soldier or while a local tears up with a caged joy that is about to burst.

To dwell is; to remain for a while, to live as a resident, and to keep the attention directed. Yes, it is difficult to consistently dwell in the house of the Lord, but I remind myself that this journey is one that I am not alone in. Christ not only will go with me, but is in me as well as in others along the way. As I focus on my union with God and not the 'religious experiences', the path becomes more clear and exciting. Yes the obstructions are still present, and I still skin my knee here and there, but I am not alone. I am simply and joyfully not alone.

September 23, 2005 | Permalink

Comments

It has been a really long time since I went to church regulary. My father raised me in a christian home, but when I got older I strayed as sometimes happens. He has been after me lately to get back in church. Reading your blog today for some reason made me realize that I miss that close communion with God. He has been good to me in life although I haven't deserved it. Be careful over there, and we await anxiously for the day when you guys are home for good. Keep up the writing. It is a bright spot in my day.

Posted by: Sherry | September 23, 2005 at 08:38 AM

Awesome post ~ thanks.

Posted by: Kat in GA | September 24, 2005 at 09:31 AM

Admirable.

Posted by: PebblePie | September 25, 2005 at 05:50 PM

Wow! Great reflection! Hope to see you soon Shawn. Tiff passed on the message that it's a possibility that you BOTH might be at Steph's wedding. That would be awesome! Many blessings... :)

Kristanna and Chris

Posted by: Kristanna | October 11, 2005 at 09:13 AM

I just wanted to drop a line and say I am a reader. A little bit of luring from an old face at 201 and 202.

Posted by: Amanda | October 11, 2005 at 08:33 PM

Wow, I was very much blessed by that and by your whole blog. I know that you wrote this a long time ago, but God still uses it. :) Thank you! Maybe I can meet you in heaven! :)

Posted by: Emmalee | September 15, 2008 at 09:04 PM